1st round: Declined

felt like i was being *slapped*

Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttttttt~~~~

Oh well, try again. There goes 1k (ouch). They are not gona bring me down. Hah.

o.O

OMG

Where to start?????

Dear Madam,

Please accept this as our receipt of your HSMP application.

Your application was received on the 11/10/07.

Your reference number is xxxxxx.

Kind regards,

HSMP Team

Sent the form off yesterday. *crosses fingers*

Things to get done:

• Collate all documents for HSMP (Done)
  Make that phone call and ask the questions about birth proof and income tax (Done, 26/07)
• Or go through the form (Done)
  Open up a joint account (Done, 26/07)
• Get a contract agreement set up and approve by a lawyer
• Buy plastic containers
• Get Kiwi Saver applications started and going (Done)
  Revise on MCC Schedules (Done, 26/07)
• Read up on Coefficient of Performances (Done,26/07)

Gah~

Why am I doing this. Why am I going to the most expensive place in the world. My goals are defeated. My aims are for the wrong reasons. Why am I going to somewhere that I will have very little chance of saving. Why do people say that you'll earn more when you work in the UK..

So put off. I didn't like the idea that I will not be saving much in the next two years just to travel. Then again, when is the next time I can do this. When will the next time be when I am young again.

But to sacrifice my career, my finance, and putting my future on hold seems a little more daunting.

Perhaps, this is just a warning. Perhaps this is just an advice. Sure enough everyone has fears and doubts. Nevertheless, I've always had this 'Just do it' by nature. So, I'm gona challenge myself for this. These conversations do bring back to the first time I arrived NZ.

We didn't know the cheap places, nor the free parks. Nor the rules you can avoid or the perks that you can try to get for keeping your uni ID. And knowing the cheap markets to shop for food. And the sales that comes on once in a while.

Someone up there, send me a sign. Release me from the doubts and negativity from the others. I am unique, therefore, not everything is true. I shall not be scared.

I think there is a chance that the trip will be delayed till October, when I have already got more than 2 years of experience, and exactly 2 years of experience as a HVAC building services engineer. Well, not exactly.

I do need more time. Next early year is a rush for my career. It is jeapordized in fact, because getting a job would be difficult. As adviced by my director, and my PDP interviewer.

Sigh. I hope I won't delay it anymore because it is the trip that motivates me to work hard. I know I shouldn't be depending on this goal, when I should think hard whether this career is the career that I want to do for the rest of my life.

There is a small opportunity in Singapore that I may not want to place my hands up for just yet. As you know, promises can't be promises on the length of time of the stay. But going there for a a temporary change would feel awesome. As well as there is a director there whom I can speak to.

Peer pressure. I get real annoyed when people start copying my goals and don't set their own. Because along that, comes competition. Its quite annoying. It kinda feels good to be sitting on the other side, where there are no lady engineers with a small divider between the section.

Talk about being competitive negatively...Sigh. I hate it when we have to fight to live. I really hate that. I wish I could just be happy and focused on my own life. And not be effected by other people.